The Schedule - Day 34

The Schedule - Day 34

2/3/2023

I found myself framed in such an unusual state of contentment that I felt the need to write it down. I feel wonderful that I do not feel like s—. I am sitting here and I feel good. It is slightly cool. I am in the apartment. It is overcast outside. The windows are closed but the shades are open so the ‘overcast light’ is coming in. I have a small reading lamp illuminated. I am sitting at my desk. The TV is on but barely audible, as I don’t know, I just wanted some kind of moving image in the background. ‘Pathfinder’ is playing. Not a particular ‘happy’ or ‘bright’ production. Maybe it does go well with the overcast day. I just feel good. Neutral. It feels good to be neutral like this. I wonder if… never mind. I am not going to wonder. Just wanted to write this down because I felt the need to document everything that is happening with the hopes of what exactly? Being able to recreate the moment later during a time of distress? Possibly. But I feel good now and I like to write so I am doing what I love while I am feeling good. My hands feel good tapping the keys and the sound of the keys on the keyboard is pleasing to to me. Like pitter patter of something happening. A Morse code of sounds that become letters that become words that are derived from my thoughts on how good it feels to be sitting here writing this without any discontentment.

The thought that brought me here was thinking about Sara. I can see her face.

4:20PM

She is the one who is with me when we are happy to see each other and speak freely to each other even about each other like friends do. Even though I am the lesser of the two, for sure. I am picturing us sitting there in the restaurant.

I am the one who takes her for granted and she knows it. We play off of each other nicely. I do listen to her, she requires a lot of listening and I do care. She is nice to listen to and I do want to hear her speak. I just thought of that song by Pete Bjorn and Jon. If friends could have a song, that would be our song.

I get a little teary eyed when I think of her. I miss my friend. I treated her badly toward the end leaving without saying goodbye. Blocking her on twit. Didn’t care about what I had to say there before though. Same with the rest. And showing up under other names, not Sara, but others, so that I wouldn’t block them as well. I left them all behind when I left. When I leave. I really leave.

But Sara is the one - my character confidant and in a former real life too - although Sara is a combination of women - all the ideal traits of each of them, for I would never be able to decide. Maybe a blonde who colors her hair auburn; so I can have a blonde, brunette and red head instead of having to choose between them. I like black hair as well. I have that covered as one of her other multi-player roles is Annabelle. See. I have them all in there. The writer, the musician but also the professional and the artist types. I am like the great Heisenberg assembling the perfect bionic woman for a sci-fi novel whose purpose is to adore me and be taken for granted by me because she knows that if she wanted, even though she knows it is not a good idea, that she could have me wrapped around her finger. But she has to save me first, and from myself, as well as risk her career in the process because of me. SHE WANTS this, but she knows that she can find a better man, just not another one of me. And my good qualities are just not good enough to cover for all of the other undesirable material. Like the puppy you want but know that you shouldn’t because of the potential of the attachment that can form - that will certainly ruin the other thing if it comes to pass that it cannot be so. Something about going home again. Returning to a place that is here now that will not be there after that. - I stopped taking pictures of the sunrise every morning. I just watch the sunrise now instead of trying to capture and possess my iota of a still - like the keywords for an AI generated image that can never produce the exact same image twice. Or is that a reason to take a picture? Thinking of one now that I no longer have of me and Sara.

I just realized what else is different. I turned off the diffuser(s). There is no artificial scent roaming around the room.

My project for February that started 3 days late is an ambitious one. I want o sell 100 $50 coffee mugs by the end of the month. This month. The shortest month. I set up an affiliate program with an app that gives affiliates the opportunity to earn a 10% commission on anything in the store including the mug. Man was that an easy setup. If only everything integrated as easily as that app. GO AFF PRO is the name of the app. Very cool. You can check it out here: https://cfab3a.goaffpro.com Get your piece of the action from any sale of this $50 Quantum Computing mug that is part of a viral marketing campaign. AXIOM YOU is more than just a name, it is more than just a brand, it is an idea. Learn more at AXIOMYOU.com and AXIOM-YOU.com today.

In conjunction with the YES YOU CAN GO, AXIOM fiction project.